Heave it and Leave it

I went to a women's retreat Friday night to Saturday afternoon. This was one amazing learning and spiritual experience for me. For the first time, likely, in my adult life, I allowed the Spirit to lead my words, my heart and my mind. I opened up to seemingly strangers.

The theme of the retreat was "Diamonds in the Rough." No truer statement about me than this. I feel like I have been rougher than rough. But true to form, Jesus the master jeweler, never stopped polishing me. I am not finished, by any stretch of the imagination, but after this weekend with some amazing women, I realized I don't have to be, yet. And I won't be until God calls me home.

The main thing I learned at this retreat was that things that happened in my past do not have to have any impact on me today or in the future. Because of choices I made, I have had one helluva time forgiving myself for them. But after this weekend, I started forgiving myself. God had already forgiven me, but he was so patiently waiting for me to forgive myself, move past the shame and embarrassment. Allow myself to feel worthy and valuable. Priceless.

Many of the women I spent time with this weekend knew very little about me, and in the bigger scheme of the words, still only know very little about me, but it was so refreshing to be able to heave and leave behind issues of my recent past. With the goal in mind of God perfectly polishing me from the inside out.

Each one of those women have such a special place in my heart. Hearing two testimonies of their faith, two women that come from similar backgrounds but their testimonies have very different paths. We aren't on the same path. Our lives are different. And just because our paths are different, doesn't mean they don't end up in the same location.

 Jesus wants women to value themselves. To see, feel, and understand their spiritually led internal worth. It's funny how we put so much value on our outer appearance. Meeting someone for the first time, you will NEVER know the battle they are facing on the inside. With the occasional open book exception of some people who don't have any problems with opening up. Typically speaking, you won't know.

This was the case with me. I felt I had led some of those women to believe something different about me than was true when we all first met two years ago. I was struggling with a drug addiction, a pain pill addiction. And in the midst of momentary sobriety I accepted Christ in my heart. That didn't clean me up over night. I had months ahead of me of detox and relapse. But I haven't had one pain pill (minus the occasional Ibuprofen) since August of 2011. That is all because of Christ.

If you don't believe that Jesus can save you from yourself, I'd love to share my story with you. Not just because I have a recent experience, but because my testimony of Jesus starts back when I was a very young child.

I am so very thankful to the women who planned the retreat. Thankful that God put me and those women in that place. Because I know that he hand picked each of us to experience the spirit that evening and morning together. I am so thankful that Jesus loves me, even when I'm not loving myself. And that he is so willing to show me where my value is, instead of where I think it is.