Half way through May and I haven't written one post. It's not that I am out of material. I just get writers block. I don't know where to begin, or sometimes, I forget the topics I come up with to write about.
Recently, I led a class on idolatry. This is hefty topic. Not to be taken lightly. And you are left feeling very raw when confronted with truth. Truth isn't so bad, in and of itself. It's the realization of that truth that hurts. Knowing that you cannot simply turn away from truth in ignorant denial, any longer. That is what the study of idolatry did to me.
I thought, originally, that Facebook was my idol. But as I proceeded through the study I found there were many more things I placed on the throne of my heart, instead of God. Logically, I know that God is a jealous God. He isn't interested in sharing my heart with anything. But I am human.
As we met week after week, my intimate class of four and I, we learned a lot about each other. I found out that in a group whose background is no where near as sad, risky, stupid, and dark they still loved me. They still accepted me. I was still their sister in Christ, and would continue to be.
See, I thought Facebook was my idol. Not true. My truth in idols came out in allowing my past choices to dictate the level of closeness, vulnerability, and spiritual dependence on other Christians. My idol was my past Me.
That might be hard for someone to understand, especially if you aren't a Believer, or even if you are. So let me explain, only a little bit.
As a child, I was introduced to sex at a very young age. Not by choice. As a preteen, I didn't understand it, so I explored in ways the seemed natural. As an adolescent teen, I was very much prudish about the topics of sex, alcohol, drugs, money, true friendships, and honest healthy boy/girl relationships. As a college student, my ignorance in those things came out in irresponsibility, bad choices, unhealthy drinking and drug use habits, and promiscuity. Insecurities grew with me in relationships with friends, family members, and acquaintances. I convinced myself over and over again that people interacted with me for some reason. Not because they wanted to be my friend or they cared about me. But I 100% believed they had an ulterior motive.
I had what most would think as a "normal" family life growing up in the military. As normal as that is. And then moving at age 12 to a new place upon my dad's retirement.
Look, I'm not here to rehash the past. In fact, all that has been locked up in the vault for God. He has removed all those things from my heart, and I am focusing on putting Him as King on His rightful throne of my heart. My point is, ALL those things made me put God second, third, 100th, somewhere in the line of priority.
I was forced during this study to be vulnerable. To open up to a group of people that I hadn't really had any sort of deep conversation with. I really hadn't had much of a conversation with any of them outside a church setting, to be honest. And God walked me through the entire process. Prompting me when to share and when to stop. And I listened. BOY HOWDY did I listen. Because if it were up to me, my lips would've been left glued shut and likely our class would've sat silent for the hour and 15 minutes. :)
At any rate, I will be practicing listening to God everyday. I have to practice, because I am one stubborn bullheaded red head!!!! And that is no joke!
My friendships have deepened to incredible spiritual depths since releasing those heavy loaded burdens I was unnecessarily carrying, and idolizing.
Look, friends, an idol isn't necessarily a golden calf, a fat bellied man sitting cross legged, or a dollar bill. An idol is something that you put before God. ANYTHING you obsess on, go to for comfort, think about, worry about, or try to control before you ever consider God.
I pray that you will allow the Spirit to show you your idols in your life. Be open to His truthful conviction, but know confidently that He is only showing you these things in love. Not to punish you. But to bless you and glorify our Holy Creator!
Peace
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