Susan will NEVER be forgotten!

The quick and abrupt passing of a friend, Susan Giani, this past Saturday immediately caused shock waves through families and friends of her and Chris. She was one amazing person. The type of person you wanted to be around more. Just a good heart, giving soul, goal driven, hardworking, understanding, loving person.

Susan was one of a kind. And by the blessings of God, I got to know her. She married one of my husband's best-friends. They lived just hours from us. We spent time together at their home, camping, playing, just being friends. She worked as hard as she played. And she wasn't about to live this life to any boring fashion.

Susan died in a freak tubing accident. They were doing what they loved to do, enjoy life together with friends. Her life and death were never in vain. And as I soon heard of her death, as shocking as it was, I was comforted immediately by the Spirit knowing there was a bigger plan at work. Her death will impact many.

Personally, I know it has already impacted how I view my husband and children. Knowing how quickly life can end; how fragile it is. Knowing that at any moment one could no longer be on this Earth, leaving loved ones behind.

You know what was the most impactful part of losing Susan? Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE knows how much she loved them. How much she cared for them. There isn't a doubt in ANYONE!! That is amazing. She lived as she loved! Deep, lively, purposeful.

Because of Susan's death, I have chosen to love deeper, live bigger, and laugh more!!! I will NOT allow the meaningless things in life anymore to dictate it.

Jesus loved like everyday was his last (though knowing it wasn't). Jesus loved everyone because of who they were, not who they could become. Jesus was an amazing example of living life. And I believe that Susan exemplified that example of Christ.

"Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."     Psalm 139:16

Our days are numbered. They have been written in the stars already. God knows when our lives on Earth will end and our lives with Him will begin. I want to make sure that I am living like today may be my last. I want to be sure to show and love and care for everyone I meet with the same deep emotion that Jesus did.

Susan's days were numbered. Her death has purpose. And even though I will miss her so much, I know that God's plan is bigger than my sadness! I know that He is leading all of us that are heartbroken by the shock of her passing, and he is comforting each one of us. Guiding us in the way that is eternal.

"Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom."   Psalm 90:12

Thank you, Jesus, for blessing me with my friendship with Susan! Thank you for having her be such an amazing person, to be such an example of acceptance, love, and compassion to all! Thank you, God, for creating Susan!!!

Second Semester Startup

It is weird reading all the posts on Facebook about kids going back to school tomorrow. Or friends getting ready to go back to work. Parents getting ready for the morning rush.

And I, sitting here on my couch, am wondering what time my first grader will rise tomorrow? Do I have anything properly planned? Should I do it now, or in the morning while she calmly eats her breakfast? Do I need to sharpen her pencils now or later? Will we do school in the morning or afternoon? Will we even get dressed tomorrow?

Oh yes, homeschool definitely has it's benefits! :)

I do have a bit of "buyer's remorse" in all this, Christmas break doesn't end with my child leaving for the day.

But as I look at our adventure in homeschooling this year, I am growing in confidence in my parenting. Don't get me wrong, five out of seven days a week I feel defeated and like a screw up. LOL But that Monday and Tuesday, I sure feel like a winner!!

Homeschooling my daughter means I get to spend more time with her. Listen to her. Encourage her. Be a part of her educational process more intimately. And experience all over again those moments she gets it. I get to see her light bulb light up. I get to see the look of accomplishment on her face.

Do I ever wish she was in a traditional school setting? Of course, but only so much as that she could have a break from me. I know I'm not always pleasant.

Does holiday break end here? Mmmmm not really! We are always on a holiday break it seems. We do things on our own time, how we see fit. We don't worry about a specific time schedule, although, a schedule always works itself out because of convenience.

Tomorrow we have math, social studies (Penguin study), language arts, and reading. She also has xcountry skiing (PE).

Here's to the start of second semester .. for ALL kids! :)

EDIT: I realize that Penguins might not seem like "Social Studies" more like Life Science .. but we are actually studying the Arctic: Geography, cultures, life there, and animals. :) Penguins are part of Antarctica life. :)

My Rescue

My rescue started as a teen, only I wasn't aware of this.
I spent a week at a Christian Camp in Utah. That week sparked the Spirit inside me, that I wouldn't fan until my 29th year of life. Recently, I have been exposed to a lot of thing regarding flames and fire. A simple spark gets a fire going.

As I matured into an adult, I fell away and back frequently to Christ. I got mixed up in drugs, sex, and alcohol as a young adult in my early years of college. Like a lot of lost souls do. I nearly failed out of college. Actually I did. They literally kicked me out after my second year because my grades weren't worth the paper they were printed on.

That moment that I had to apologize and defend myself just to stay in college was a defining moment. But it would only take me as far to focus on my education. I still did everything else. I just managed to pay attention more to my studies and homework.

Alcohol was a huge part of my undergrad. I was working two jobs. One to pay my rent, the other to pay for my habits. I am confident that had I not been working two jobs, I would've achieved much better grades in college.

When I met Aaron in 2004, I was on my up from the ditch that I had dug for myself, and even buried myself in. Life was on it's way going in a good direction. He was a second spark from Christ.

My family has had a lot of turmoil in it the past 10 years (probably longer but I have only paid attention the past 10). It was hard watching my parents divorce as Aaron and I got engaged. It was extremely difficult knowing my mom was in jail. It's hard not having the relationship with my sister I so desire. Losing my grandparents in the past six years was/is so difficult. They were always there for me to talk to, confide in, ask advice from.

And even in all of this, Jesus was still walking with me. Even though I was pushing him aside through those few years of crap (no other word fits).

In the midst of the extreme stress in my family, God plucked our family up and planted us in Alaska. He literally did. I won't give any credit to anyone else. Because there is no way that I would be here today married with two children, living life with love, if it weren't for Him.

That was my rescue. Jesus rescued me from myself, the contamination of others, the influence of evil, and placed in my path a life that was promised. It would be years before I recognized that I needed Christ. And it was in the midst of, yet another, addiction problem. Pain pills had become my way of dealing with life, depression, lack of family, lack of friends, and in all the lack of knowing my worth.

Jesus did not just give me a spark then. He rescued me (again). He took over my heart. He helped me realize that I have a man in my life that loves me. Two kids that need me. A life worth living. Jesus rescued my heart, but not just my heart, he rescued my mind.

I still battle my thoughts, but now I battle them with the power and love of the Holy Spirit!

This year I have set a personal goal for myself to forgive the past, move on from it, draw nearer to Christ. But, most importantly, make myself vulnerable. In my life I have had some pretty sad things happen. And I have allowed them to dictate how I perceive people, events, circumstances, and even simple, innocent statements.

Vulnerability is new to me. And I know I will struggle with it. I'm a pretty cold and emotionless person. I am so glad that Jesus doesn't give up on anyone!

Christ rescued me a long time ago! He is still rescuing me today!

A new day, new month, new year ... What beholds us?

I have toyed with the idea over and over of closing this blog and starting a new one. But I can't seem to come up with any catchy titles. Such a bummer that something about diapers seems more fun than anything else. :)

I wasn't sure I would write 2013 Resolutions. Mainly because I have a hard time really sticking to any one goal. But maybe that is my problem with goals. I don't stick to them, so I get disappointed and quit. Forgetting all about the whole purpose of setting goals in the first place.

This year, WE have set some 2013 Resolutions. Aaron and I sat down a while back and laid out our goals, individually and collectively. My hope is that I will improve myself through these goals. Unfortunately, some of my goals require me to cut the fat. And I don't mean on my body (although that is one goal). But I mean in life. With people, circumstances, commitments. Other parts of the goals are general self improvement and family improvement.

My Top 5 PERSONAL 2013 Goals:
1) To draw closer to God.
2) To cut people out of my life that are fair-weather or negative, and replace them with genuine people.
3) To be an example of kindness and hardwork to my kids.
4) To spend less time on social media and more time out in the great outdoors.
5) To clean one room in my house, completely, everyday.

Our Top 5 FAMILY 2013 Goals:
1) To have Jesus as our center focus, by collaborative reading of the Bible with our kids, through prayer, through practice.
2) To finally be debt free!
3) To spend more time as a family experiencing life.
4) To take our kids on a vacation.
5) To build our food storage.

Recently, I went to a book store and found this book......

I am super excited about this outline for the Bible, because I have always wanted to read the Bible cover to cover, but man that would take forever. And yes, this will take the year, but it will be with my kids and husband. And it will be a great experience to see what God's word will do in our lives as a family unit!

2013 holds a lot of promise for everyone. Everyday we are given is a new day to change the direction of our lives. We don't have to hold on to anything in the past. What's the point?? It's done and over with. Our perspectives and practices are what will define our purpose and our future.

Kara and I watched "Anne of Green Gables" yesterday and I was reminded of my most favorite quote,

"Tomorrow is always fresh. You have no mistakes in it."

That will be my mantra for the whole year. I know that I'm not perfect. I will have some down times, and others will too. I will make some mistakes and others will offend me. But, if God wills it, there will be a tomorrow to move on from today! And, thanks to God, we have a whole new year to be better people. To each other, to ourselves, to our Lord.

Since I'm not cancelling this blog, I will be changing the direction of it. I will be using it as a means of therapy. To write about my days, meals, choices, kids, family, in a different way. I will be prayerful about what I'm writing. I will be writing more often. And I will, hopefully, be able to grow.

Peace be with all of you in 2013!